Montag, 7. Oktober 2013

Back again,back in life

Hello guys.
I don't really know if anybody is still reading my blog but now I'm here.
Okay it was a really crazy year. But now I am really sad because one of my brothers is in the USA and the other one moved to Berlin. It's hard for me but my hostsister is very nice...
And yeah, I already applied for the PPP und in about an month I'll apply for a year with 'treff'.
The NEW YORKER Lions are now in the NEWYORKER German Bowl XXXV.
And I'll cheer. Yay. I love my Team. This weekend will be awesome. But sadly is tomorrow my birthday. Because I refound my blog here, I'll maybe post a litte bit more in the future....if I got time. Thanks for reading.

Love U guys :*

Hymy tekee

P.S.: here some photos

Dienstag, 26. Februar 2013

The Self-Harm Assessment..



My Self Harm Assesment
- Age?
14 almost 15.
-Sex?
Female.
- Label yourself (prep, goth, druggie, weirdo, etc)
I honestly don’t know.
- How long have you been cutting?
2 years.
- Favorite tool?
My scissors
- Where (place) do you cut (school, home, etc.)?
Mainly in my room.
- Do you have to wear long-sleeves & long-pants all the time?
I try to, but I hate long sleeves. But I like my hoodies
- Do you cut on your stomach, or chest?
Once. Prefer my wrist though.
- Are your legs, arms, & other body parts covered in scars?
My wrists,ankle and thigh
- What’s your favourite excuse to use when someone asks about a cut?
No-one ever seen them, unless I showed them.
- Have you ever been hospitalized because of your cutting?
Nope.
- When was the last time you cut?
last week
- Off the top of your head, about how many scars do you have?
Not as many as I’ve cut. I tend cut over old scars, so maybe nine
- Do you have (diagnosed) depression, and/or bipolar/bpd?
No.
- Who knows you cut?
Only about 5 people, and whoever is reading this.
- Have you ever been caught cutting?
No.
- Have your parents ever confronted you about a bloody sleeve, or towel?
No.
- Did you have a good childhood?
Yes I really had.but I was bullied
- Why do you cut?
There’s a lot of reasons.
- Have you ever talked to a therapist or counselor?
Yes but not because of this.
- Do you want to stop cutting (but can’t because of addiction)?
I tried, and managed for about 2 weeks, and I do try, but it’s a part of life now.
- Do you like cutting?
I regret it instantly, but yeah.
- How many times have you tried to commit suicide?
Luckily, I haven’t got that deep into depression yet, but I’ve seriously considered it, and even planned it out..
- What are your views on cutting, and other self-injury?
It’s an awful, harmful cycle. When someone mentions it, I just go along with it to avoid suspicion. I’m really hypocritical.
- Do you like watching movies with self-injury?
Never have.
- Do you like looking at pictures of self-injury?
Yes
- Do you sometimes envy other people (non-self-injurers)
Yes. Because they don’t have to worry about people seeing there scars
- Have you ever taken any pictures of your cuts/scars?
Yes.
- Do you want to die?
One day.
- Have you ever done a school assignment on cutting, or self-injury?
No.
- What do you like to listen to while cutting/depression/etc.?
Whatever the background noise is.
- Have you ever needed stitches from cutting?
I don’t want to grow suspicion from going to the hospital. I’m more for the quanity of cuts, rather than the depth.
- Do you dream about cutting?
Yes some but I don’t really remember dreams.
- What do you use to bandage your cuts?
Depends on the severity, usually just put bracelets over them.



This I found on tumblr. What do you think about it?! please answer..

We don't even live here

...is a album from POS and I think it says a lot..
Im a little bit bored so now I write what I think...

SO yes... I think  the title fiits to my life.
I never feel home.Sometimes I think I could cange everything and make the world better for me. But then I realize  that everyone hates me and I could't do anything. They just hate me. So I go to my best friend and tell him everything but he...he have his own problemes. I feel lost and alone...nobody woud ever help me. so i've to fight on my own and cheerleading and football gives me the power to make this happen. Maybe I'll never feel home or accepted but I'll feel what I've done. on my own. Yeah man. I can make it. even without firends. and if anybody would help me, they should but no one can stop me!

Dienstag, 15. Januar 2013

Tumblr

Okay..now U see I cant post very often so I decided, i have now a tumblr and will post there a lot of pictures,felings and so on. if U wanna hear smth from me you can visit it. this I can update by mobile;) SEE U GUYS

http://whatuwannaknow.tumblr.com/ -visit me!

Dienstag, 8. Januar 2013

You said you love me. but you've fergot the 'not'

Hay guys. Happy new year and so on. It's a difficult time..but we're still alive.:)

Somebody said to me 'it's not your fault' but I know it WAS mine. But it is how it is!:) We've to live with our fail. I think I need time..

A few days ago I heard a song and it goes 'murder,murder,murder,kill,kill,kill' and this is how it is...

It's a new year its a new start! -hopefully